all yours

An ingrained sense of inadequacy is never easily reformed.

When all you can see are all the ways people will walk out-
when your heart beats muffled for fear of being torn.

Maybe if I wasn't raised gazing out of foggy windows at departing cars;
or if they didn't say one thing and do another because they never thought
you would notice.

But you grew up detecting breakable promises,
and knew when they would, from the start.

When all you ever really thought you had were your own thoughts,
and the dark,
you get so caught up in both that you can't see things for how they are.

I'm sorry I sold you damaged goods,
but they will never do you harm.

You don't have to be gentle.
You don't even have to keep your promises.
Just don't pity me.

I do enough of that myself
and wanted to give you something besides sorrow.

Pearlcussion

What a crude instrument
this calligraphy is.

Give me some drumsticks
and let me paradiddle my sins
into a innocent snare.

It's probably for the best
that my parents never got me
a drum kit when I was a kid.

Rolling hat hits pulsing
as the kick concusses
cluster-bombs of penance through the air.

I would've punctured their skins;
then my drums would've been broken
and I would be left with my sticks.

Today a plane flew over my house.

I live less than 15 minutes away from the airport and have heard jumbo jets flying over my house my whole life, but today I wondered why. I wondered why I had to stop thinking to myself to listen to a commercial airliner shit through my sky.

My father is a pilot. He would probably be disappointed if he knew I was ridiculing aviation.

I just really enjoy silence sometimes.